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Goldie Shitstorm
The Drunken, Barefoot Bullfighter from Texas
Meet Goldie Shitstorm, the most unreliable bullfighter ever to crawl out of a Texas rodeo porta-potty!
Goldie has the golden chest of a superhero, the beer belly of a professional drinker, a shit-speckled face, and a pair of filthy bare feet that haven't seen a pair of cowboy boots in years.
He's dressed in a wild, handmade patchwork bullfighter's costume, complete with colorful fabric panels, decorative stitching, a glittering waistband stretched around his belly, and an oversized woven straw sombrero.
Goldie looks like a million-dollar champion, but his reputation isn't worth a bucket of bull shit!
The Legend of Goldie Shitstorm
Goldie claims to be one of the toughest bullfighters in Texas. He's got the muscles to prove it, but there's one little problem.
Nobody can find him when a bull rider actually needs help!
Most of the rodeo, Goldie is hiding in the porta-potty, getting drunk and working on that magnificent Texas beer belly.
When a Texas cowboy gets bucked off, Goldie is nowhere to be seen. He's too busy tipping back another cold one.
But when a cowboy from Oklahoma enters the arena, everything changes!
Goldie staggers out of his portable dressing room, adjusts his sombrero, and suddenly remembers he's supposed to be a professional bullfighter.
Not because he wants to protect the Oklahoma rider.
He wants to humiliate him!
Goldie starts maneuvering the bull, doing everything he can to help the animal buck that poor Okie into the dirt.
Once the Oklahoma cowboy goes flying, Goldie jumps onto the very same bull and rides it around the arena himself!
Barefoot, drunk, and grinning like a possum eating watermelon!
Then he hollers across the arena:
"HELL, BOY! IF A TEXAN CAN RIDE HIM DRUNK AND BAREFOOT, WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE?"
The Texas crowd goes wild, the Oklahoma cowboy turns red with embarrassment, and Goldie heads right back to his porta-potty for another drink.
Goldie's Famous Bare Feet
Goldie fights bulls barefoot, just like his fellow rodeo clown Chico Gold.
His feet are intentionally decorated with green and blue markings that tell the story of his questionable personal hygiene.
Green: Bull shit picked up while running around the rodeo arena.
Blue: Chemical residue from the porta-potty where Goldie spends most of his working hours.
Between the bull manure and the blue chemical water, Goldie's feet are probably the most dangerous things in the arena!
He doesn't wear boots because, according to Goldie, real Texans don't need them.
A Superhero's Body and a Beer Drinker's Belly
Goldie sports an impressive muscular metallic gold-and-blue body, broad shoulders, and a powerful chest.
But look closely at his waist!
Beneath those champion-sized muscles is a developing beer gut that spills beyond his decorative waistband.
The colorful, glittering belt does its best to hold everything together, but Goldie's frequent visits to the porta-potty have clearly taken their toll.
He's built like a superhero above the belt and a beer-drinking Texas rodeo clown below it!
Handmade Costume and Character Details
This unusual custom action figure features:
Metallic gold-and-blue muscular articulated body
Bright blue eyes and short blond hair
Hand-painted pink clown cheeks, red nose and chin
Multicolored glitter speckles across his face
Large woven straw sombrero with red-and-white cord
Handmade blue patchwork bullfighter costume
Colorful patterned fabric inserts and contrasting panels
Visible decorative stitching and multicolored trim
Glittering waistband emphasizing his spare belly
Red lower-leg coverings
Bare feet with intentional green bull-manure and blue porta-potty chemical markings
Original fictional Texas rodeo character and humorous backstory
His colorful costume features numerous small fabric pieces, stitched edges, decorative cords, and handmade embellishments that contribute to his rough-and-rowdy rodeo personality.
Condition
Pre-owned, creatively customized articulated action figure with visible cosmetic wear, surface rubbing, paint variations, and handmade costume construction.
The patchwork costume features intentionally rustic stitching, irregular fabric edges, and decorative threads. The colorful facial markings and stained bare feet are part of the character's design.
The original action-figure manufacturer and production date have not been confirmed.
Please examine all photographs for construction details and overall condition.
One-of-a-Kind Texas Rodeo Collectible
Goldie Shitstorm isn't just another cowboy action figure. He's a completely outrageous fictional rodeo personality brought to life through creative customization, handmade costume work, and a Texas-sized sense of humor.
Perfect for collectors of unusual action figures, Western folk art, rodeo clowns, bull riding memorabilia, and humorous cowboy characters.
Goldie even has his own illustrated rodeo character posters and autograph artwork!
Whether displayed alone or alongside other Western action figures, Goldie brings plenty of personality and a whole lot of bullshit to the collection.
Goldie Shitstorm — He won't save your ass, but he'll sure make an ass out of an Okie!
Offers Welcome!
